Story-report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckledusters

Necromunda is een skirmish spel van Games Workshop met kleine gang vechten in veel terrein om hun XP op te doen en te evolueren.

Story-report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckledusters

Berichtdoor draakeragon » 02 dec 2013, 20:43

Battle report Necromunda: The Crimson Knuckledusters.



There was a relatively cold ash wind blowing through the outlands. Skeller was scrounging near a broken barricade. Sparking live wires sprouted from the broken motorcycle that formed the primitive form of cover. He stopped giving his attention to the wires and groaned. It was going to be a cold long day according to him, little did he know everything would change in a few hours. But so was the life in the outlands. A boring calm day was what most other gangs would hope and live for. But not Skeller. He took a slow stroll from the barricade.

Rasper was checking his respirator for the upfteenth time already. It wouldn’t matter anyways. Everyone knew his mask just made uncomfortable noises anyway. He sat down next to a piece of aegis line and tinkered with his newly scavenged drum magazine. The shining black drum was sure a sight to behold. To make matters even bette rit was filled to the brim with shining auto-bullets. And those weren’t third grade beat up slugs. A rarity in the oulands. He looked over at skeller from his red cowl and wathced Skeller walk over to the strongpoint. In a muffled speech he said to his gang leader ‘’When are we going to shoot stuff. Just when I find some shiny bullets; no-one comes around to get shot hrrff”


Skeller dismissed his comment and walked to the strong point. He walked past the tank traps that were constructed by a fool. The half sunken pieces of clanky metal rested like rotten teeth in the greyish ash. He came to the water still. Where he kicked the barrel under it. a large half-empty bonk resonated from the cranky barrel and a large splashing noice emerged. Well if Skeller would have laughed if he wasn’t such a killjoy. There were some other cultists nearby.

They were hauling barrels full of stale water that had the same size as them, Even with three of them it still was a cruel task fort hem; at least it wasn’t hot today. Six of them loaded the metal barrels into a beater of a truck. It wasn’t a local truck. Skeller and the gang had ventured out last night and found a campsite. It was all empty and deserted. Some ramschakle tents stained the zone where the truck was. They went for the truck and in the late midnight they pushed the darn thing to their hideout. It would have been foolish to start the loud thing. Now it was a trophy for the gang. They could load some of those heavy barrels of water on it and transport thema across the wastes.

Skeller walked to the reinforced strong-point and got a car battery from it. It had enough juice for a quick spinn but it wouldn’t get very far. Something he regretted when he found that out today. He grumped as he dragged the foul smelling thing back to the barricade. The heavy thing made a line in the barren ashes the ground was made off. And the locals started to come out when they heard something was going on.

The local ruins sprouted curious settelers. You could bet no-one had ever seen a vehicle before and such a large truck certainly was intimidating. The gang leader had connected the bike’s power cables to the battery. A few spraks flew from the brass sticks in the air as the electric life juices seeped into the reservior. There was a small silence before there was a cry from some gang members. Screws and Stitch had seen some weird movements when the settelers came and they quickly ran far away when the gangers shouted alarm.

Apperantly the truck that looked like it was never used and abandoned was from another gang. And they were not eager to see it the other gang’s posessions. ‘’Orks! Orks! Get into bttle posistion!” Screws and Wire shouted in a way that the whole gang got ready to repel the invaders. ‘’Orks! Orks! Get into bttle posistion!” It was true and not a false alarm. To the west were a bunch of blue-leather clad greenskins.

The gang picked up their weapons and the sounds of running emenated from the now empty water-stills. A group of six orks were lurching around the ruins. The orks were looking around the corner. One of them was aiming his stubby pistol through a window. They had big looking ork at the back. He was armed with an axe not even a goliath could carry in two hands one handed. Wire sported his autopistol. He aimed downrange when he looked at the ork below him far in the distance. From a level above in a blasted ruin he shot a couple of rounds with his pistol a bunch of dry clacks came from his gun. And he wasn’t happy to hear his pistol failing at this crucial moment. ‘’tink clack crr. Blasted piece of slag!”

The scouting ork came closer from the ruin. Screws who was a level below had a working autopistol. He blasted the ork with a long range shot. It went straight in the shoulder of the ork. Where normal gangers would fall to the ground from such a shot the ork shouted back at him. ‘’Dar ya bloody git, That doesn’t ‘urt an ork!” the shouting ork obviously had a lot more to say but he was caught short by a blast that came from above. ‘’Piece of junk! If i ever get to the dealer then ~Kaboom!~” Wire’s pistol erupted and he stumbled backwards. A few steps from the edge wire lost his balance and he fell down the ruin. He came tumbling down behind Screws and he landed on his back. His left handlooked like a wild dog had maimed it and there was smoking hot pistol clenched in his hand.

Wire was out stone cold on the ash floor. ‘’Lookit dat Boss Those hoomans kant even build a good shoota!” The rest of the gang was now in position. Schrapnel had his heavy stubber ready and aimed from beside the truck. There was an ork near another ruin who was toting his blaster through a window. He shouted a good far diatance away ‘’Let’s get our Trukk back from a cheating hoomies!” Schrapnel held his stubber and braced himself. He dug wis feet in the ashes and clenched the trigger. A large hail of shots flew toward the ork. The most of them banged the ruin as the flew stray. But a lot of them went into the ork’s face. A splurt of unusually dark red blood came from the ork as he smacked to the ground. Never to be seen again.

Another green member had taken a fireing posistion. This ork had a very big gun. It was larger then a heavy stubber. And it looked heavy even for the ork. ‘’OI, YA PIECE OF TRUKK-STEALING STINK I’VE GOTS A BIG SHOOTA TOO” The weapon he carried was as subtle as his shouting. A series of loud thumping came from i tand soon after louder then usual explosions flew around the water still. The ork couldn’t find the ganger with the heavy weapon and decided to shoot at the first thing he saw. The only thing he could see through his almost closed near sighted eyes was Skeller who was shooting his gun at an ork to his left. The side of his red caped head was easy enough for the basterd to see. The aegis defense line shook back and forth when a volley of loud metal rained against it and Skeller took a dive behind it.

A shot went past the barricade and flung itself tot the charger. A large zap struck from it and had fired itself to the leader’s big axe. So much for back luck. Skeller kept shaking on the ground like a madman when he was under the electricty’s mercy.The shooting was quiet for a while and the gangs started moving.

Wire was regaining his conciousness and who was crawling to a nearby stack of metal bars. Stabber threw his auto gun behind the set of metal bars and leaped over it. he ran towards the other ganger and grabbed him by his arms. He dragged the ganger to the stack and laid him against it. he was out of sight for the orks who were busy shooting loud un-accurate shots through the territory. Schrapnel Blasted gunshots with a rambling chain to the location he last heard the orks moving.

They didn’t advance untill he stopped. Screws was shooting at an ork he just saw moving towards him. He stood out in the open. The big slouched forward ork with a big white skull in his greasy black hair was aiming for him. Screws was quick to spot hi mand fired full auto at the guy. The ork laughed when he got his in his foot. He aimed from a large weapon. There was a face guard and what seemed like a bent rocket from the muzzle. Screws shouted when he saw the rocket launcher. ‘’Get down! ~ psshhhwww ----- Boom!”

Wire, Stabber and Rasper were bracing themselves as the big rocket the size of a bottle struck the stack of metal bars. The gangers were thrown of their feet and blinking as they were shellshocked. Meanwhile Torch was jogging to the ruin he last saw the orks. When he stopped he saw three of the mand a big warboss around the corner. Out of instinct he grabbed the handle of his industrial flamer. A heavy gout of red and orange flame caught two orks in their tracks. The foolish creatures walked to him as they shouted from the pain of being toched, yet the two of them refused to catch fire. Torch’s flamer started spluttering and he dropped the flamer on the ground. he was full of zeal against the ugly greensking and drew his knife. From his metal helm he shouted at them ‘’Come on you ugly piece of snot. Come and get me!’’

The ork had dropped his big shoota and got a knife of his own he had drawn a bandaged up piece of sharp glass which he had pointed at torch. When he big shoota plonked on the ground. There came a sharpting from behind the ork. The ork boss had thrown a grenade at Torch but unfortunately it landed short of hi mand appeared between the ork’s leg rolling forward. The now dumbfounded ork covered his face by holding his elbow before his face. ‘’Stikkbomb’’ the large ork yelled just before the thing exploded right under the ork. Bent pieces of metal struck the ork in his legs and waist and the ork yelled at the top of his lungs. ‘’Dat hurt you bag of boltz!” Torch wasn’t standing still all that time and had sprinted to the guarding ork. He stabbed the ork with a swift stab to his throat.

Warm dark red blood seeped out of the wound and torch was quick to jam his knife in his knife arm. There was little noise but gurgling that came out of the ork. He couldn’t do a thing and he stood like a brick in a wall. Tall but unmoving. Torch was still full of adrenaline and he smacked the ork with a backhand sweep, the metal plates of his brown leather gauntlet connected with the cheek of the ork. He fell easily to the ground with a slow heavy “ thump!”

The boss roared at hi mand held his oversized axe ready to swing at Torch. He was about to charge him but didn’t move. The ganger raised his fist at the ork and leaned backward: with a fell quick fling he threw the knife straight at the ork. It soared through the air and the ork had no time to dodge. The sharp piece of steel found it’s way into the ork’s eyesocket where it was sure to leave some impressive scars.

‘’GET AWAY BOYZ IZ TIME TO GET MOVING, NOBYNEEDZ DAT STOOPID TRUKK’’ The ork bantered. He turned his back and ran away in a quick pace. There was some shouting by a few remaining orks. ‘’WE IZ GUNNA GET YOUZ NEXT TIME CHEETING HOOMANS YOU BE SUURE OF IT!’’

and with that the retreated into ash winds. A few spots of dark red and a few ork bodies were the last remnants of the battle they faces. The bottling orks had little to say and the cultists had the truck for their own.

Wire wass recovering and apart for some ugly scars had little injuries, nothing a hardy outlander couldn’t handle.

And certainly nothing to much for a Chrimson Knuckleduster.
Laatst bijgewerkt door draakeragon op 03 dec 2013, 15:25, in totaal 1 keer bewerkt.
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Re: Battle report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckleduste

Berichtdoor DeathKorps » 03 dec 2013, 10:04

Leuk geschreven :)
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Re: Battle report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckleduste

Berichtdoor TLRonin » 03 dec 2013, 10:52

Allereerst even draakje, dit is geen battle report hoor. :)

Dat gezegd hebbende, het is wel een leuk verhaaltje. En je kan prima schrijven. Dus wat dat betreft prima gedaan. Je moet er nog wel even over heen met een Engelse spellchecker vrees ik. Bijvoorbeeld de allerlaatste regel: "to much" = "too much". En ook wat stijlzaken overwegen. 1e alinea: "But so was the life in the outlands". Klinkt als geknutseld Engels vertaald vanuit het Nederlands (wat je moedertaal is dus dat is niet zo gek). Sowieso moet het woordje "the" weg, want dat is volgens mij foutief. Maar ik zou er persoonlijk ook van maken: "Thus was life in these outlands." Kort, krachtig. Dekt de lading. Meer Engels dan de zin die er nu staat. En ik zag her en der nog wat zaken, maar die ga je zelf vast wel vinden als je het stuk kritisch bekijkt.

Al met al wel grappig. Wellicht moet je korte verhaaltjes gaan schrijven en laten lezen door andere schrijvers. Krijg je opbouwende kritiek en wordt je beter. ;)
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Re: Battle report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckleduste

Berichtdoor NutTownTau » 03 dec 2013, 12:22

Hey draakje, cool verhaal.

Staan zoals Danny al zij wel wat foutjes in inderdaad... Maar "the" in outlands is naar mijn idee niet fout; "the outlands" is voor zover ik begrijp de naam van de regio, zoals bijvoorbeeld "the outback" in AU.
Het vermijden van het word "but" is altijd een goed idee, zeker aan het begin van een zin; dan dwing je jezelf de zin anders op te bouwen.

Daarnaast zijn er een heleboel korte zinnetjes, die je prima met elkaar zou kunnen combineren. Lees je eerste paragraaf eens hardop terug en neem 5 seconden pauze bij elke punt die je tegenkomt, of lees het in "telegram stijl" en spreek elke punt hardop uit als "stop". Dat is wel een beetje overdreven, maar dan merk je wel hoe een punt de snelheud uit een tekst haalt

Ik heb persoonlijk altijd last van het tegenovergestelde; als ik niet op let schrijf ik zinnen die maar door blijven gaan.



En hoewel narrative batrep cool zijn, is dit idd meer narrative dan batrep ;)
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Re: Battle report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckleduste

Berichtdoor TLRonin » 03 dec 2013, 12:30

NutTownTau schreef:Maar "the" in outlands is naar mijn idee niet fout; "the outlands" is voor zover ik begrijp de naam van de regio, zoals bijvoorbeeld "the outback" in AU.


Lol. Ah ja, er staan 2 "the's". Ik heb het over de 1e Tim: "the life" is niet goed. Dus hij kan er van maken:

"But such was life in the outlands"

--> "the" = foutief in de zin
--> En het woordje "so" maakte de zin geknutseld vanuit het Nederlands. "Such" maakt de zin helemaal kloppend in het Engels.

En dan klopt die zin.


NutTownTau schreef:Het vermijden van het word "but" is altijd een goed idee, zeker aan het begin van een zin; dan dwing je jezelf de zin anders op te bouwen.

Daarnaast zijn er een heleboel korte zinnetjes, die je prima met elkaar zou kunnen combineren. Lees je eerste paragraaf eens hardop terug en neem 5 seconden pauze bij elke punt die je tegenkomt, of lees het in "telegram stijl" en spreek elke punt hardop uit als "stop". Dat is wel een beetje overdreven, maar dan merk je wel hoe een punt de snelheud uit een tekst haalt

Ik heb persoonlijk altijd last van het tegenovergestelde; als ik niet op let schrijf ik zinnen die maar door blijven gaan.


Yup, de stijlzaken die hij moet overwegen als hij verder wil met schrijven. Dit zijn prima adviezen draakje, doe er je voordeel mee...



NutTownTau schreef:En hoewel narrative batrep cool zijn, is dit idd meer narrative dan batrep ;)


Eens. Dit was niet eens een narrative batrep idd. Dus voelde me misleid door de reclame in het onderwerp. ;)
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Re: Battle report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckleduste

Berichtdoor draakeragon » 03 dec 2013, 15:24

Ooh ik moet maar weer eens een white dwarf halen en een battle report lezen.


^ . ^


Ik zal er wel een narritive van maken.

Ik denk dat ik ooit wel een bat-rep zal maken.
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Re: Story-report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckleduster

Berichtdoor NutTownTau » 03 dec 2013, 19:17

Danny: Hehe helemaal of de "the" in "the life" heen gelezen, en een beetje in de war omdat jij er these outlands van maakte. :)

Maar dan wordt het idd:
Life in the outlands
Of
The life of an outlander

Of iets dergelijks :)

Draakje:

Een narrative heb je; das zeg maar een verhaal. Een narrative batrep is een verslag van een battle in de vorm van een verhaal :)

In dit geval overheerst het verhaal echter dat het erg moeilijk is om te zien hoe de battle is verlopen, ik gok dat je leader de game begon achter een barricadeis begonnen. En zich op een gegeven moment naar een andere area is gegaan. Dat er her en der wapens vastlopen, en combats gevochten worden is ook te lezen... Maar het geheel is moeilijk te bevatten
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Re: Story-report 1-12-2013 Orks vs The crimson Knuckleduster

Berichtdoor Singleton Mosby » 03 dec 2013, 21:21

Ik vind t tof! Maar dit is idd een narrative en geen batrep. Ik schreef vaak dit soort verhalen op het (game) forum van Paradox, daar hebben ze een heel sub-forum voor After Action Reports, een flink deel daarvan zijn narrative.
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